she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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