Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
