i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
