I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
