Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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