so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
