Will you blow on my dice?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
