I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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