PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
