So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
