Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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