Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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