I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
