he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
