i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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