I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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