Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
