Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
