no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
