this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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