Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
