I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
