i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
