Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
