first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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