I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
