I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
