I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
