You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
