guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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