Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
