You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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