I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
