maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize