i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
