Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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