My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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