Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
