sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
