I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
