one two three fourrrrnication!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
