I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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