I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
