Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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