And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My liver just broke up with me...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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