I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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