i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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