I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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