Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
