Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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