god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
