take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
