Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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