I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
