i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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