He disabled his match.com account in front of me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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