Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
