You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
