Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
