get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
