her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
