I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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