Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
