Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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