god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
