my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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