i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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