I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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