if i can run in heels then i can drive
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
