3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
