There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
