Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
PANTIES FOUND
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
