Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
