I wanna passion pit in your ass
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
