youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
