Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
