There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize