It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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