I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
