I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
tell your sister to shave her snatch
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
two words: eviction party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
