i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
