i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
