the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
