ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
