Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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